by: Lauren

Okay, it’s time for some wedding planning truths y’all! Some of you may know that I used to be a wedding planner and designer in a past life. And before that, I was totally and completely clueless about weddings, while at the same time, planning my own wedding. Needless to say, when I started out in the wedding world, I wanted to learn everything there was to know about weddings because I knew that there were things I didn’t know. How did I know that? Because things went wrong throughout my wedding planning experience and on my wedding day, and it all could be chalked up to me just not knowing.

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With that said… truth be told, sometimes I see or hear things that couples planning weddings say and/or do, and I just want to grab them by their shoulders and SHAKE them, saying, “Don’t make that mistake! Don’t do what I did!”. That might be a little overboard, but lately it’s how I feel, and I wanted to share it with you all. Hence the title of today’s post, “Wedding Truths”…

(Warning: I’m FIRED up for some reason, but nonetheless, these are things that need to be said. For further information beyond the “truths”, I also included links to other posts for you. Now, I digress to these truths…)


Why on EARTH would you want your mom/sister/aunt have to handle things on your wedding day? I don’t care if she plans the wedding- at least INSIST that she ENJOY the wedding day. You don’t want her running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off, and then rushing to get her hair and makeup done and get dressed, and messing with things all during the reception. Do you?! No? Okay then… at least have a month-of coordinator. You can thank me later. :)

Do you really want to trust that “coordinator” your venue provides you? You DO know that chances are highly likely he or she is just the sales person, right? And that they’re going to leave after you cut your cake. Sometimes even before that. And then who’s going to handle all of your gifts? And handle your bustle when it breaks and all of your bridesmaids are too drunk to fix it? And get all your guests rounded up for that sparkler exit you want? Not the venue coordinator. Nope. Don’t fall into the trap. Cover your butt and make sure you have your OWN coordinator on the day of the wedding.

Planning a wedding is hard work. Emails, finding inspiration, inquiries, confirmations, scheduling appointments… it’s equivalent to a full time job, which is why there are wedding planners and professional vendors out there to help you. Why would you want to add another full time workload for yourself when you already have a job?! Plus, don’t you want to ENJOY your wedding planning? It’s stressful enough- don’t add even more unnecessary stress to it.

With that said, yes, weddings ARE people’s full time jobs. Specifically wedding vendors. Or how I like to put it, wedding professionals. While it might seem like it’s all peonies, lace and burlap, it’s not. These people are running businesses. They work odd hours. Usually WAY more hours than others work at a normal 9-5 job, making way less. And they hardly ever see their families or friends. Why? Because their livelihood depends on it. They need to put food on the table for their family. Oh and let’s not forget about the fact that you’re trusting them to make your wedding amazing! So just because it seems like working in weddings is super easy, the best thing ever, and it doesn’t seem like work to you, please, no matter what, treat your vendors how you would want to be treated at your job!

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Photo by Rae Leytham Photography

How would you like it if someone told you that they thought you should be paid less money than what you currently make? That’s what it’s like when you ask wedding vendors for discounts. I’m not talking about vendors OFFERING you a discount, I’m talking about straight up saying, “You’re too much money for me, can you work for $____ instead?” Would you do that at a Dr’s office? Or at a restaurant? No? Okay then. Just don’t do it.

Wouldn’t you rather have invitations and paper products that are CUSTOM DESIGNED for you and your wedding? Not picked out from a book and having to stick within certain parameters? Or bought from a box and printed off. It’s YOUR wedding, do what you need to do to MAKE it yours- there are tons of options out there! Oh, and PS- it’s really not more money than either of the previously mentioned options.

So you don’t have a huge budget for a “wedding” and you want to get married ASAP? Go get married at the courthouse and then throw an awesome party! That’s essentially what a wedding is- a party. The difference is that with a wedding, you just happen to invite a lot more people than you normally would, have tons more food and alcohol, and have a schedule to it. You can still have wedding elements to your celebration. Or, do the courthouse thing, and just save up so you can have your wedding later! There’s nothing wrong with that at all. In the end, the important thing is the fact that you’re getting MARRIED, not that you’re having a wedding. :)


Okay, and that’s about all of my ranting, for today anyways. I’m just SUPER fired up and passionate about stuff this week, can you tell? I apologize if this upsets anyone, but to me, it’s the honest truth. Some of you may feel differently or have experienced something different- and if you have, I encourage you to share your own experiences in the comments!

And a little disclosure… In case you haven’t noticed, I 100% support working with professional wedding vendors. Being that I used to be one, I have a strong passion for encouraging all couples to use professionals. It’s my mission (I know, that sounds so corny, but it’s true) to educate all of you about weddings- because I had NO CLUE when I was planning my own. I couldn’t for the life of me find information that really and truly educated me about planning my wedding. So with that said, please know that just about everything that I post is based off of what I didn’t know when I was planning my own wedding, and I share it all with you in hope that it helps someone in some way, some day!

Oh, and if you have ANY questions about ANYTHING wedding, please do ask! I even have a whole page devoted to you all asking me questions– you have no excuse! :)


Editor’s note: A version of this post was originally published in March 2012. It has since been updated for accuracy and content.

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Founder & Editor at Every Last Detail
Lauren Grove is the editor and owner of Every Last Detail. A clueless bride-turned-wedding planner, Lauren uses her experiences and knowledge to educate and inspire brides all over the world.
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21 responses to Wedding Truths

We love your comments, but please remember to keep them kind and positive, as this is a place for inspiration and sharing information. We have the right to remove or not approve any negative or harmful comments.
  1. becka

    Love it all.

  2. Laura

    Lauren, you are a rock star!

  3. Nicole Kaney

    Lauren, Thanks for sharing this info. I do hope a lot of brides read it and take your advice. My clients always say they were able to have a stress free amazing wedding day (along with their mothers!) because of having a wedding planner and true professionals as part of their team. Very insightful!

  4. Cheryl

    Excellent post, I heartily agree!

  5. Bethany Ann

    LOVE it!!! Thank you! I wish people would stop saying, “What can you do for me as far as price is concerned?” It makes me want to scream!!! LOL

  6. Sandy

    agree on all counts! (and bustles always break at the wrong time…mine let go minutes before our entrance into the reception!)

  7. Justin DeMutiis

    You are my hero. this is why I send my brides to your blog :)

  8. Kate

    I love this blog and read it daily (bride, not a vendor), and I don’t want to come off as sounding too critical, but I really disagree about the necessity of hiring a wedding planner. A day of coordinator I TOTALLY get, as I definitley don’t think it should fall on your mother or your MOH or anything like that. But as far as needing a wedding planner for the whole thing…no. Is wedding planning a little bit stressful? Yes. Is it like having a second full time job? Of course not. If wedding planning is taking you more than 40 hours per week, every week, you’re doing it very wrong. If you want one, and it’s in the budget, go for it! But wedding planning can most certainly be done without one. Use the time you have, and throw the celebration you can afford, financially and time-wise as well. As far as discounts…I still don’t think it can hurt to ask. I’m planning a winter wedding and have been offered and have asked about discounts from few vendors. Yes they’re professionals, yes they’re going to give me the same quality work no matter what time of year it is, but it’s just a fact that in January (I’m in New England, I know in Florida it’s different!) sometimes offering a discount to a bride is better than not booking that wedding at all. Many vendors would choose a reduced income vs. no income at all. No you wouldn’t do that at the dentist, or at a restaurant, but it’s a different industry, and therefore different rules apply. It can never hurt to ask, and all the vendor has to say is no, that their pricing is firm, and the bride can then decide from there.

    • Lauren Grove

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences Kate! When it comes to the planner, there are lots of things to consider. Some people handle stress differently than others. Some have a more demanding career and can’t possibly think about having to deal with countless emails and phone calls. And some are planning a totally different wedding than others are. So a planner for the whole wedding might not be for every bride. In my case, the previously mentioned situations all describe the brides that I myself have worked with. I have friends that are planning weddings without planners- and without my help. So it just depends. :) And for the discount thing, I should have put it as not to “expect” a discount. :) Discounts do happen, and they happen often, especially in cases like yours. :) Happy planning and thank you SO much for reading!!

  9. Rebecca D'Amato

    This post ROCKS! From working onsite at a venue as a sales manager and wanting to coordinate all the details and not have time I highly recommend all wonderful professional!!!! and now im on the other side and I cant agree with you more. Thank you. Great post. i hope brides read this!

  10. Cherrie Amor Martires

    I love your honesty Lauren! I admire that you have the guts to say what’s on your mind and support your thoughts with facts. Thanks for always educating brides not only about planning their wedding, but of the wedding industry as well!

  11. Jackie

    Amen Sister!! Good post!

  12. Ruth @ My Love Wedding Ring

    You may think it ranting, but to be fair, it is Good pragmatic advice put very eloquently and with passion!! All well said, as ever!

  13. Ashley Paz

    Thank you, Thank You, Thank You! It is very hard to run a business when people think you play on pintrest and look at blogs all day. A wedding planner’s job is so much more than that, and it’s always nice to see bloggers make their readers aware!

  14. Jessica Devins (a Vendor)

    Well said! The one HUGE regret I have is NOT hiring a planner. We had one in the beginning but when we started learning about the various costs we decided it wasn’t something that was in our budget. Planning our day was A TON of work. I felt like it was a full-time job. Did it require 40 hours per week for a year, no, but my mind was constantly wrapped around various planning thoughts. If we would have had a planner I would have been able to let go of a lot of that stress because I would be able to put my trust them as they’ve done it before. I absolutely love our day, but I do think if we would have had some help it might have been pulled together better. I was trying to incorporate so many things and for the most part it worked, but looking back my vision and the reality were very different. We did have a day-of coordinator to run the show, but that wasn’t even enough. I spent way too much time telling her the details and she forgot half of them anyways. I gave her too much to do in too little of time to learn it. So Lauren, I completely agree with you, I would recommend hiring someone to be your coordinator at the minimum for the month-of.

  15. Renay Zamora (a Vendor)

    As a vendor (cake artist), I heartily agree with everything in this post! Thank you so much!

  16. Heather Ferreira (a Vendor)

    Planning a wedding is HARD work..I planned my own wedding and went into attention to detail on basically everything. I am a DIYer and now I help brides and offer my services for them because I would have wanted help on my wedding day! Stop by my shop for a variety of vintage wedding decorations! HeatherVintage88 on Etsy!

  17. Erin Whitman (a Vendor)

    Exactly why we love you Lauren! And why we send all of our brides your way! Wedding planning is like running an Emergency Room, trust me, I used to work in one. So hiring the right one can save your life and your wedding!
    The good ones, the brilliant ones, the organized ones, the genius creative, relaxed, and friendly ones are worth their weight in gold!

  18. Melissa (a Bride)

    Interesting, but having been there, I disagree with one thing: Go ahead, plan your own wedding. I did, and had a great time doing it. I did hire a day of coordinator, but made the mistake of hiring the person affiliated with my venue, and she called me CONSTANTLY while i was getting ready. In hindsight, i probably wasn’t clear enough with my instructions, but i didn;t get much guidance, either. Worst $500 I’ve ever spent.

  19. Sherry (a Bride)

    Hello Lauren,
    Loved reading to your blog. Can you let me know when you have your next class, so that I may schedule to attend it.
    Love what you have to say. Thank you so much. Sherry Rodriguez 😊

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